Snow Job...

Time to update the blog...what shall I write about? Trump? Nope--tired of it. Government shutdown? Nope--ditto. The United Methodist Church and The Way Forward? Nope--ditto, ditto, ditto, and the modified PLAN ditto! I could write some nice, comforting faith-based piece? Nope--just got done writing a sermon; am spent on faith-based stuff. So, let's talk about snow...

Since the National Weather Service and the NOAA are either not getting paid, or are working with skeleton crews, I think they are funnin' with us about the forecasts for "Stormzilla" this weekend. Here in the North Hills of Pittsburgh, they are saying we can get between 3 and 18 inches of snow--that's one big "between." Forecasts always look so prescient when you give yourself such latitude. I stopped to buy milk at Giant Eagle last night--because we need milk, not because of the storm forecast--but the "stormers" beat me to it. I got one of the last half-gallons in the place. I didn't go near the bread or the toilet paper. We're packing meals for the "End Hunger" program on Saturday, and people are already calling to see if we're cancelling. No, people are still hungry. We may have less "packers" for the assembly line, but we'll get our 24,000 meals packed. We did decide to begin an hour early, as the bulk of the snow is not supposed to come until later in the afternoon--3 to 18 inches. At 3 inches, Pittsburgh is paralyzed. At 18, it's the apocalypse, and we're just waiting for the Pale Rider.

We DO live in Western Pennsylvania. Even before climate change began affecting us, we got snow, and sometimes, lots of it. And it gets cold in winter. I'm not sure why we seem to manufacture such panic, annually. Oh, and I'm not going to debate the climate change issue, either. I figure there are two kinds of people, when it comes to climate change--those who believe the science about it, and idiots. Regardless, we get snow. It's Western Pennsylvania. And it gets cold. If you are the entrepreneurial sort, and want to make some fast cash, get a van, load it up with milk, bread, and toilet paper, and go door to door. Tell the residents you'll be around every time they forecast 3 to 18 inches.

The church struggles with weather forecasts and snow. Businesses generally stay open. Libraries stay open. Schools close, mostly for the safety of the students, as those "yellow submarines" they ride are just a big skate on ice and snow. But what about church? If we're talking a church that pretty much hosts weekend worship, a Bible study, and maybe a committee meeting, they're pretty much out of business if they let a snowstorm bring them down. A church like St. Paul's? With preschool, daycare, Kidz Korner, and a raft of other activities, studies, community use of our building, and such, we have a "weather alert" on our website and networks to let folk know when we have to cancel or alter schedules. We also have a parking lot that is so large it's in two townships, so maintaining it in inclement weather is a bear--and rather expensive. But, we are in Western Pennsylvania. We get snow. And it gets cold in Winter. And with a church facility that has been added onto eight times, we have pipes in uninsulated ceilings, drains that have to pump UP hill, and roofs that leak when the gutters freeze and back up. Our head custodian runs around here like Nanook of the North. But we usually stay open, and people come--hearty people...sometimes CRAZY people! Seriously, they are usually people dedicated in their faith, and loyal to their church. But they are a bit crazy. I'm not sure that going out to church in the midst of a whiteout, following the salt truck, and sliding around in our giant parking lot is what Paul meant when he said we are "fools for Christ."

And, if we GET the 18 inches of snow, I'll have my usual thoughts about retiring to a warmer climate--Florida, Arizona, even Arkansas, which one of the senior publications recently cited as the most economical place for us old people to live. Then, I come to my senses: Florida can't even VOTE properly, they're so nuts down there; Arizona has been having 115 degree temperatures, and sandstorms; and Arkansas? ARKANSAS? Have you SEEN their politics? Those of you who know me, know I'd last 45 seconds in Arkansas. My religion is far too "liberal," my politics are far left of that, and I can't abide country music. I don't have a dog, I don't have a pickup truck, and never plan to leave my wife (and hope the reciprocal of that is true, honey?). After all of that "weather reckoning," my lovely wife says "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT moving where they don't have 'seasons'!" She likes the seasons. Honestly, I do, too--especially Spring and Fall. I've looked, by the way, and there is no place on planet Earth that is always Spring or always Fall. You either have to live with perpetual Summer or perpetual Winter, if you go South or North. So, it's like cable TV service--if you want Spring and Fall, you have to take Summer and Winter, too. And you get your best deal if you bundle them.

So, it's going to snow. Maybe a lot. Things will close, or not. Unless you already are stocked up, you'd better figure out alternatives for bread, milk, and toilet paper. Rest assured, if the roads get bad, it's almost a guarantee that the worst drivers will flood the highways. They'll drive their SUVs, go too fast, secure in having all-wheel drive, not thinking that when it comes to stopping, they're driving something the size of Delaware with only four little patches of tire available to halt their forward progress. And lots of them won't have their lights on, because they don't want you to see them coming--surprise! So, what are we to do? Stay warm and safe, Beloved. And remember: We live in Western Pennsylvania. It snows. It gets cold in Winter. But Spring is only 9 weeks away! Shalom, yinz!