Search Me?

 Search Me?

 

Psalm 139:1-6, 13-18
139:1 O LORD, you have searched me and known me.

139:2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from far away.

139:3 You search out my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways.

139:4 Even before a word is on my tongue, O LORD, you know it completely.

139:5 You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.

139:6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is so high that I cannot attain it.

139:13 For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

139:14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; that I know very well.

139:15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

139:16 Your eyes beheld my unformed substance. In your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed.

139:17 How weighty to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!

139:18 I try to count them -- they are more than the sand; I come to the end -- I am still with you.

 

When we were kids, and were being quizzed about something that had “transpired,” (usually something bad, or at least mischievous), and asked if we had anything to do with it, our answer was often, “Search me?” It was a very non-committal way of being defiant, and not “ratting” on a friend, or admitting guilt, personally. In today’s text—one of the Bible’s Psalms—it begins with the psalmist saying, “O Lord, you have searched me and known me.” It’s hard to hide any of ourselves from God, especially since God has a built-in “body camera” within each of us—the human heart and conscience.

 

The Psalmist here was either very paranoid, or just quite aware of both the scope of God’s ability to keep tabs on each of us—at a very intimate level—and God’s interest, in doing so. The “fingerprint” individuality of God’s human creature is something to behold. Even Jesus told us “every hair on your head is numbered” by God (I used to tell my bald parishioners that this meant the hair follicles, for them). 

 

I don’t often pick a Psalm to write a sermon about, probably because I have typically seen the Psalms as very personal “meditation” texts. When I have something to cry out about—in anger, joy, or just frustration—there is a Psalm that cries with me. When I am inspired to marvel at some aspect of God’s creation, there is a Psalm that marvels alongside me, and even offers language that may not arrive at my tongue. Or when I just need to know “You are HERE,” like those directory signs in the shopping malls tell you, but about my life, not my physical location, there is a Psalm that shows me my “current reality,” thusly. This Psalm is one of these “You are HERE” Psalms.

 

I hope it is a comfort for you to know that God knows all of this stuff about you and keeps track of you, day by day. It should be, even when you or I engage in thoughts, activities, or temptations that aren’t on the “approved” list, as these are the times when we most need God’s presence, watchful eye, and Holy Spirit who nudges our conscience to wake up and do something about it. By watching us and convicting us of these moments, God is also automatically pardoning us, which is exactly what Jesus said God would do. Even when we are in that childish “Search me” denial mode—and even when it is with full awareness and an attempt to deceive that we are—God’s grace prevails. The only danger to us comes when we persist in rejecting the promptings of God’s Spirit to straighten up our act, and we follow through on some action that causes harm (physical or emotional) to ourselves or another. Then we REALLY need to believe God is still watching and “searching” us! For without God in these more extreme, “sinful” moments, we might very well perish.

 

There are two things that some have taken away from this Psalm that I truly believe are in error. The first is that Psalm 139’s “you knit me together in my mother’s womb” assertion is a prohibition against abortion, as most anti-abortion activitsts do. I do not believe this Psalm is saying that God is “predetermining” our destiny from the moment of conception, nor that God is already planning our lives at this stage. Like the Reform Jews, I believe that these activities only begin when we arrive on this side of the womb and begin interacting with those nurturing us, and building relationships with them, and God. As a United Methodist, I ascribe to our denomination’s view that abortion is something to be avoided, if at all possible. Science and medicine has given us numerous ways for women and men to avoid pregnancy, if this is not in their plans at the time, and even our own moral choices may help us be more careful with our sexual urges and activities to this end, if we are not yet in a covenant relationship. (Don’t take that I’m advocating for “abstention” as a substitute for the other medical or physical means of birth control—I’m not—but our moral choices MAY help us not behave like our backyard bunny rabbits all of the time!) However, there certainly ARE times when a pregnancy results that is NOT prudent, and the circumstances of it—either medical, financial, or emotional—lead to a termination of it as the best choice. We United Methodists believe this choice is best left to those involved, and not the government, and that it is between them and God. We do not condemn persons for making these very hard choices, and I am in agreement with this. There are those in the anti-abortion movement who propose carrying a child to term and putting it up for adoption is an “easy” way to end the medical practice of abortion, but they have little knowledge of the financial and emotional pitfalls on both ends of this “solution.” Carrying a child to term so often leads to a “bonding” process that is very hard for an emotionally compromised woman to ignore, which is essential to do, if she is to give up the newborn for adoption, AND, our legal and social structure does NOT make adoption an easy thing for any couples wishing to adopt. It is a beautiful thing when it happens and meets the needs and realities of both parties, but it is nothing that should ever be forced, or EN-forced by laws and courts. Again, Psalm 139 is not fodder for outlawing abortion. It is merely a statement that part of what “brought us into the world” was this miraculous process of procreation, for which the Psalmist is engaging in wonderment. It is NOT an assertion that God is pre-ordaining the life of a ovum, zygote, or fetus. The Psalmist is just grooving on the fact that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made,” as an act of gratitude and praise.

 

The second thing Psalm 139 is NOT is a statement of predestination, in my Wesleyan, “free will” mind. In words of verse 16, and in the totality of the context of the other verses, it is easy to see how one could get this idea. However, we must remember that the Psalmist is “reviewing” her/his life, and taking stock of the myriad ways God has been “searching” it. It stands to reason that, as a living, breathing person with years of experiences and history behind it, one would “look back” and postulate that God was in it, all along. This is the real “bugaboo” about the ”free will vs. predestination” argument—it depends on one’s perspective. We Wesleyan Christians believe God has given humanity free will to make our own choices, and God’s wisdom and grace to guide us. However, when any of us looks back on our life as does this writer, it is easy to “see” how God HAS been leading, guiding, and even (we may believe) intervening along the way. The real theological questions are: has God been “pushing us” along a predetermined pathway? Or has God been “luring” us and lighting options along our pathways to keep us from stumbling in the darkness? I think of how I raised my own children. I never attempted to “predetermine” or “predestine” what direction their lives would take. I loved them too much to do what would have been an almost exclusively self-serving thing like that! Instead, I did my best to protect them from harm, provide for their basic physical and emotional needs, offer them as many options as our circumstances and checkbook could afford, and guide and encourage them to make the wisest choices they could, along life’s way. When they stumbled, I was there to help them back up, comfort them in their pain, and help them move on to “what’s next.” And I also did my best to offer them my faith, not just as I believed it, personally, but as I best understood it, and as I attempted to live it in an exemplary fashion. I also never shied away from admitting my WAY too often unknowing and error-filled ways of fatherhood. I was fond of saying, “I really don’t know what I’m doing, because I’ve never done this before, but I DO have to do this ‘Dad’ thing…” They would chuckle at this, it would break the ice, and we could have an honest conversation over whatever the issue was. Might our God—the God of Psalm 139—be just this way, too? Only in God’s case, it would probably not be that GOD was “unknowing” or “inexperienced,” but that God would not condemn US for the fact that WE were! THIS is what I see the Psalmist rejoicing over in Psalm 139.

 

This year I will turn 70 years of age—the Bible’s “three score and ten,” which are my “numbered” days. In short, I’ll graduate to what the vernacular often calls “borrowed time.” This Psalm is shouting out to me that: 1. God’s interest in continuing to “search” my life and persist in offering guidance to it is as abundant as the grains of sand in the sea; and 2. Even to the very end of my life, we will walk this journey together. How wonderful and rich is that? Talk about a promise that will not “allow” me to fear either life OR death! Psalm 139 is such a promise, Dear Ones!

 

I end this week’s sermon with a “modern” hymn that for me completely summarizes what the Psalmist is trying to tell us. This hymn showed up when our United Methodist hymnal supplement called “The Faith We Sing” came on the scene, and I STILL can’t get through singing it without breaking down into tears of joy, for the promise it offers, akin to this Psalm. It was written by John Ylvisaker:

 

I Was There to Hear Your Borning Cry

 

I was there to hear your borning cry, I’ll be there when you are old.

I rejoiced the day you were baptized, to see your life unfold.

 

I was there when you were but a child, with a faith to suit you well; 

In a blaze of light you wandered off to find where demons dwell.

 

When you heard the wonder of the Word I was there to cheer you on;

You were raised to praise the living Lord, to whom you now belong.

 

If you find someone to share your time and you join your hearts as one,

I’ll be there to make your verses rhyme from dusk till rising sun.

 

In the middle ages of your life, not too old, no longer young,

I’ll be there to guide you through the night, complete what I’ve begun.

 

When the evening gently closes in and you shut your weary eyes,

I’ll be there as I have always been with just one more surprise.

 

I was there to hear your borning cry, I’ll be there when you are old, 

I rejoiced the day you were baptized, to see your life unfold.

 

And now, through tears yet again, I say, “Shalom, Dear Ones,” and Amen!