Agent 99

 

Agent 99

 

Genesis 17:1-7, 15-16
17:1 When Abram was ninety-nine years old, the LORD appeared to Abram, and said to him, "I am God Almighty; walk before me, and be blameless.

17:2 And I will make my covenant between me and you, and will make you exceedingly numerous."

17:3 Then Abram fell on his face; and God said to him,

17:4 "As for me, this is my covenant with you: You shall be the ancestor of a multitude of nations.

17:5 No longer shall your name be Abram, but your name shall be Abraham; for I have made you the ancestor of a multitude of nations.

17:6 I will make you exceedingly fruitful; and I will make nations of you, and kings shall come from you.

17:7 I will establish my covenant between me and you, and your offspring after you throughout their generations, for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and to your offspring after you.

17:15 God said to Abraham, "As for Sarai your wife, you shall not call her Sarai, but Sarah shall be her name.

17:16 I will bless her, and moreover I will give you a son by her. I will bless her, and she shall give rise to nations; kings of peoples shall come from her."

 

 

If you can’t tell from reading these retirement sermons, I was a TV kid. My middle brother—Jay—and I were both enamored with the “box” in the family room, and I’m sure some of the plots of the goofy TV shows we watched find their way into HIS sermons, too. We used to watch a wide variety of the inane comedies that populated the major networks in that day: Green Acres, the Beverly Hillbillies, My Mother, the Car, Gilligan’s Island, F-Troop, and even a few later “classics” like Mork and Mindy and All in the Family. Dramas? How about The Twilight Zone, Twelve O’Clock High, Combat, Mission Impossible, Route 66, and the unusual, genre-breaking sci-fi drama, Star Trek. Scenes, illustrations, or even humorous moments from these or dozens others may pepper our messages, as our TV habits had almost as much an influence on our early lives as did our family’s church-going habits and the faith they engendered.

 

One of the silliest of the comedies was Get Smart, a spoof of the popular “spy” movies of the day, featuring Don Adams as “Agent 86” (Maxwell Smart) and Barbara Feldon as Agent 99. This show brought us the “Cone of Silence” and the infamous “shoe phone,” that most certainly “predicted” the modern “smart phone” (an interesting label, don’t you think?). “The Chief” was the director of this crazy cavalcade of Cold War spies, and was the only one on the entire cast who had a quasi-serious role. “The Chief” MUST have felt like God does, presiding over a “cast” of people who brew up more fits and foibles for themselves than ANY sitcom writing team could contrive. I’m sure there are times when God wishes there really WAS a “Cone of Silence.” 

 

I thought of Agent 99 when I read this weekend’s text from Genesis about God speaking to the 99-year-old Abram, making a monumental promise that he would be the progenitor of a large and influential nation—Israel. I’m sure Abram was just as incredulous as WE might be, if a voice out of the blue said WE would “birth” anything, at age 99! God even gave new names to Abram and his wife, Sarai, who was, herself, almost 90 at this point. As one who has often reminded his congregations that Genesis is NOT science, this text and the promise it puts forth is yet another proof of that assertion! No WONDER God proposed new names for Abraham and Sarah, possibly so they could hide from others, when word got out. Maybe it was the ancient equivalent of being in the Federal witness protection program?

 

Had God just referred to “Abraham” as simply “Agent 99,” I would truly get the “joke.” And it WAS a joke, or at least I think it is meant to be. Not that it didn’t happen, “in the fullness of time,” (good Bible phrase), but I DO believe the story is designed to lift up the belief that God LIKES to use the improbable—even the impossible—to get the attention of us mere mortals, and to use US (just as unlikely) to affect world-changing miracles like the birth of a nation, such as Israel. God, as the dramatic magician, so often uses the same “drama” as a stage magician does to postulate the impossible—disappearing an elephant, sawing a woman in half, escaping from a chained sarcophagus lowered into the ocean—and then amazing her or his audience by making it happen. “Watch THIS—I’m going to make an elderly couple PARENTS, and then populate a whole nation from their miracle child!” Can you say “abracadabra”?

 

In the TV show Get Smart, Agents 99 and 86 went through a wide variety of humorous machinations designed to misdirect the audience into believing there was NO WAY they would save the world or finger the “bad spy” in half an hour. But they did. Viewers may have been rendered incredulous, too, but they would have had a good laugh, followed by just “feeling good” because the villain had been vanquished. Code names—Agent 99 and Agent 86…or Abraham and Sarah.

 

We’re pretty sure Abram/Abraham didn’t have a shoe phone, but the text smartly says that “the Lord APPEARED to him. This is a most interesting reference, given some of the prohibitions in scripture about “not gazing upon the face of God.” AND, like the angels who appear to various servants in the Bible, God had to announce god-self—“I am God Almighty.” Abram was obviously frightened by the experience, as he fell on his face, an early version of diving into the foxhole, I suppose. And then God just casually announces what will become known as the “Abrahamic Covenant”—"You shall be the ancestor of many nations.” Not a bad gig for a man of 99, wouldn’t you say? Of course, we have the benefit of history to know things took an interesting detour, but that’s fodder for another sermon!

 

Meanwhile, God also offers that Sarah will be the mother to this brood, another good trick, in that Sarah was thus far barren, and almost 90, to boot, as we said earlier. She will become an important part of the aforementioned “detour,” before God does God’s promised miracle. It’s that detour story that comes up later that reminds me of a Get Smart storyline. The show begins with a statement of “the problem,” or the “mystery” that Agents 99 and 86 have to unravel, progresses into their fumbling and bumbling attempts to do so—adding the necessary comic relief—and ends with a “win” on their part, often arrived at quite accidentally. Today’s text states the “promise” to Abram, then God gives them their “spy” codenames, Abraham and Sarah. Knowing full well that Lent is a “journey” means that we can see the Genesis comedy play out, but probably not in just half-an-hour, with commercials.

 

Of course, OUR lives never parallel these two stories, either the one from the Bible, or that from the late, great TV archives. Have YOU ever stumbled your way into a “win” after pleading with God to act on your behalf? I know I have, and more often than not, frankly. There is a brand of theological thought—called Process Theology—that locates God’s working in every minute detail of life, weaving even our “fumbling and bumbling” together with a divine enticement to keep making the effort. In this model, God “lures” us in a direction that God knows not only will benefit US, but will help draw a larger “picture” that may benefit the wider community. Process Theology doesn’t understand God as one with a singular, “perfect” plan, but as a God who is fully wrapped up in our human experience, using our efforts—good, bad, or humorous—as a “paint” to help form the picture and produce the plan. Vector is more important than creating singular, “perfect” moments. Where the plot MOVES is collaborative, between us and God, and even our bumbling can be efficacious. Sounds like a Buck Henry-written episode of Get Smart…or the Genesis saga of Abram/Abraham and Sarai/Sarah. Film at eleven, as they used to say.

 

What should we learn from the Bible in this Lenten season? Here’s one thing I told my people regularly regarding the Bible: From Genesis to “Notes and Maps,” God is NEVER not loving God’s people. And for Lent Two, maybe we ponder how a Process Theology model of God’s working in our midst doesn’t judge our failures, and even USES them to further the divine plot! This Lent may we also discover anew the NEW Covenant God made with humanity through the Jesus Christ Event. May we grow even more excited about it than Abraham and Sarah were with the one God made with them. And may we never have to utter Maxwell Smart’s signature line, “MISSED IT by THAT MUCH!” Amen!