The Saints In My Head

 

The Saints in My Head

Daniel 7:1-3, 15-18

The holy ones of the Most High 

7:1 In the first year of King Belshazzar of Babylon, Daniel had a dream and visions of his head as he lay in bed. Then he wrote down the dream:

7:2 I, Daniel, saw in my vision by night the four winds of heaven stirring up the great sea,

7:3 and four great beasts came up out of the sea, different from one another.

7:15 As for me, Daniel, my spirit was troubled within me, and the visions of my head terrified me.

7:16 I approached one of the attendants to ask him the truth concerning all this. So he said that he would disclose to me the interpretation of the matter:

7:17 "As for these four great beasts, four kings shall arise out of the earth.

7:18 But the holy ones of the Most High shall receive the kingdom and possess the kingdom forever--forever and ever."

Have you ever thought much about the stuff that “lives” in your head? What goes on when you dream, or when you daydream? What you are thinking about during your idle times, or when you stare out the window, or just watch the world go by while riding in a car? The realm of the mind is a quite interesting thing, isn’t it? 

Two things I used to tell folk from time to time in my sermons: 

Where does your “inner dialogue” come from? To whom are you “conversing” with that mysterious “partner” in your head? I liked to suggest that possibly the other partner in the conversation is the Spirit of God. Isn’t it interesting to think that God is THAT close to us that when we are having those conversations with our inner voice, we may be actually talking with the living presence of God in us, at least partly? 

 

And related to this, I used to give my listeners “permission” to wander away from the sermon to ponder or daydream, if something from the preaching scripture—or even something from the sermon—provoked the sidebar. After all, if we believe the Holy Spirit really is guiding what is being preached, why not believe that this same Spirit may use a given thought to touch a specific individual, whose own processing—or ruminating—on it might just be what that person needs at that moment in their lives. With this in mind, I would tell folk that if this happens, please go on your merry way, live fully into the “daydream,” extracting as much from it as they could. And when they finish, just rejoin us in the service, as I will most likely still be talking…

 

Personally, I enjoy these “mind vacations,” so much so that I plan for them, from time to time. I like to put on some good music, stare into space, and see what thoughts visit my consciousness at that moment. I suppose this is what some would call “meditation”; possibly others throughout time saw it as a kind of spiritual visitation of ancestors long gone, or even the “spirits” of the wind or water around them, as did the Native Americans who first “owned” America before we stole it from them. There are those who use some form of chemical stimulants such as cannabis or psilocybin to enhance such meditations, but I find them much richer when my conscious, rational mind stays in the conversations, which often can be wild enough, in my experience. Wild, peaceful, or wisdom-bearing, I should say, to be more accurate. Rarely do I find them anxiety-provoking, but I have not found it unusual to be “moved” to take some action, based on what I learn, and often with a sense of urgency. These moments that link my waking thoughts with inner chats in that part of my brain just below consciousness have become precious to me, and I both encourage them and cherish them. I am convinced that so many folk today are coming apart because they eschew these experiences, either because of schedules and responsibilities that encroach on any available time for them to occur, or paradoxically, they cheapen or ruin them by artificially trying to rush or enhance them through chemicals, booze, or some form of forced spirituality or meditative method not born of their own soul. 

 

Since this weekend is what we have adopted as “All Saints Sunday,” following after All Saints Day, I have spent some time thinking about the saints of God—especially my saints—who live in these “twilight zone” inner thoughts and dialogue in my head. Our last surviving parent—my Mom—died just before Thanksgiving last year. This Sunday, her name will be read at a service of remembrance at her church, along with the names of the other saints of that church who passed since last year. All four of our parents still live in my head, as each made important contributions to how and who I am, both as a person and as a person of faith. Unlike many of us, I had a deep, spiritual relationship with a couple—Ed and Marian Apel—who would become my in-laws. Ed and Marian used to invite young people into their home as a place of Bible study, spiritual sharing, and prayer, after encountering such needs among young folk while engaging in Lay Witness Missions. Their faith inspired me and many of my friends. (Believe me, eventually marrying their daughter and becoming part of the family was never in my mind, as SHE was “way out of my league,” as they say! But God is SO good…) My own mother and father never pass from my thoughts, either, as they didn’t just “make” me, but they continued to form me by openly and passionately facilitating my many and various interests. They also went out of their way to trust me, and these two “ingredients”—opportunities to explore my interests, and trust—provided me with a type of freedom most kids only dream about. The ways they generously did this still lives on in my daydreams, which end up as prayers of thanksgiving for Bob and Jean Sterling, saints in my head.

 

There are many more saints in there, too: pastors galore, as I was blessed to have some of the best in my live, both in my home church while growing up, and in my later vocation as a church worker and eventually as an ordained minister. I’ve written and spoken before about the likes of Virgil Maybray, Hugh Crocker, and Lloyd Sturtz, but there is another with whom I worked that I don’t believe I have ever written about. He walked into one of my “head” ruminations this week, as I was reflecting on this message, so I thought I’d mention him. He was an American Baptist pastor, John Harrington, who served the First Baptist Church of Franklin, PA. He hired me to work as a kind of parish associate back in the early 1970s, in a time when I was exploring my young adult faith, and was engaged with what we used to call the “Jesus Movement,” at that time. At the church, I worked with the youth group, and helped the church with general administration and communications. But Pastor John had a great passion for growing peoples’ faith in Christ, and in helping his church reach out into the community, in a day when most churches seemed to be on “autopilot.” It was a time when denominational churches rather thrived on tradition and were still riding the post-war baby boom to prosperity. Somehow, Rev. Harrington seemed to see much earlier the proverbial “handwriting on the wall” that this “wave” would dissipate, and that the church would soon be “competing” for time on peoples’ increasingly busy, and self-centered schedules. He instilled in me a sense of urgency in terms of “keeping the main thing the main thing,” as they say, and focusing on building and encouraging faith. I believe it was some of my many “heady” conversations with John—a proud graduate of Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary, by the way—that resulted in my later ministerial goal of “developing the Christian faith of the people I serve,” which was part of my personal mission statement. Faith development was something most folk needed and understood, and it was something that required more than an hour on Sunday mornings. John Harrington is one of the saints in my head.

 

This weekend’s passage from Daniel got me started on this theme, as it opens with Daniel’s “dreams and visions of his head.” Obviously, Daniel was a young man who spent a lot of time in his own head, and we certainly should learn from that. I have said throughout my life that I was a person who has NEVER been bored, and it is true. Why? Because I learned very early on of the gathering that is always happening inside my own head, just like Daniel. For me, it also began at night time, when I would lay in bed, thinking. I have always had a rich imagination and a very fertile set of “memory banks” that hardly forgot any of the things I have experienced. Maybe this is why I resonate with Daniel, here. To be able to join the inner dialogue in la Cabesa at any point, and to pull from the fast storehouses of memories shelved in the gray matter can both entertain and give way to fresh visions of “what’s next.” For Daniel, his dreams and visions led him to believe that better days were coming for the people of God, and that the “holy ones of the Most High” would receive and rule the kingdom. I believe that, too. Original thoughts, or at least ones kick-started by the Holy Spirit joining the party in my head, not only stave off boredom, but offer hope that better thoughts lead to better life, which may ultimately lead to a better world. Whoever it was who said, “Maybe we should sleep on it,” touched on an important truth. Daniel knew it, and he wasn’t the only prophet of God who did. Don’t you wonder if the ability to WONDER and to PONDER wasn’t what God was looking for in prophets?

 

When Jesus went off by himself, as he often did, the gospel writers said it was to pray. I’m guessing that he was also attending the party in HIS head that I’m sure had an open-door policy. If a guy can spend an evening on a mountain with Moses and Elijah, I’m convinced he could conjure up just about any of the patriarchs and matriarchs to join him in a quiet thought/conversation, in solitude. Solitude is an important element in learning to “listen to your life,” as Frederick Buechner put it. And while our heads may be crowded with thoughts, memories, conversation partners, and those saints who inspired us, you can’t visit it in a crowd of witnesses. It’s something you must do alone. And neither will it work when you fill the ear-gate and the eye-gate with sounds and images. I worry today that just about everyone I see who IS alone, whether it’s at the gym, out running, or even just sitting at the beach, has those earbuds in their ears. I’d like to think that at least some of them are using just the noise-cancelling function of them to blot out the madding crowd so they can think, but I’m doubting it. We seem to have evolved a culture where every waking moment must be filled with something, and if it isn’t, instant boredom. Our inner world is slowly being crushed by stimuli like a walnut in a vise. Don’t let it happen to you!

 

So, on this All Saints Sunday (or weekend), discover anew your inner world! Take some intentional “alone” time to listen to your life. Don’t be alarmed if the first things it tells you sounds like a scolding. After all, when left alone, your inner dialogue partners get bored, too. Keep going, though, as those unpleasant—or at least less than edifying—comments will fade away, giving way to drawers of memories and reminders of unfinished thoughts that you forgot you had left behind. When your inner dialogue partner shows up, be reminded, too, that you may well be talking with God, using the “interface” we know as the Holy Spirit. And like Daniel, be encouraged that the world IS filled with “holy ones of the Most High” who, like the ancient spirits of our Native American siblings, can guide us and inspire us. Pay attention to the saints in your head this weekend, Dear Ones. Enjoy the resulting dreams and visions, and the good conversation with the others who will join you there, thanks to the cumulative and creative power of memory. Once you find the joy and power of this solitude, say a prayer of thanksgiving to the Most High for the Holy Ones who have formed YOUR faith. They are the only cloud of witnesses that truly count. Amen.