Genesis 50:15-21
Joseph reconciles with his brothers
50:15 Realizing that their father was dead, Joseph's brothers said, "What if Joseph still bears a grudge against us and pays us back in full for all the wrong that we did to him?"
50:16 So they approached Joseph, saying, "Your father gave this instruction before he died,
50:17 'Say to Joseph: I beg you, forgive the crime of your brothers and the wrong they did in harming you.' Now therefore please forgive the crime of the servants of the God of your father." Joseph wept when they spoke to him.
50:18 Then his brothers also wept, fell down before him, and said, "We are here as your slaves."
50:19 But Joseph said to them, "Do not be afraid! Am I in the place of God?
50:20 Even though you intended to do harm to me, God intended it for good, in order to preserve a numerous people, as he is doing today.
50:21 So have no fear; I myself will provide for you and your little ones." In this way he reassured them, speaking kindly to them.
Most people of faith know the Joseph story, if not from the Bible, then from Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musical, “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.” In today’s episode from Genesis 50, the story has advanced to where Joseph’s brothers are about to meet with him—now an Egyptian official—for aid during the famine. They are concerned that Joseph may hold a “grudge” against them for selling him into slavery and then telling Dad a lion got him. Ya THINK? Brilliant reasoning, on their part. Most of us would hold that grudge, had we been in Joseph’s situation, and especially now that he was in a position for the ultimate payback. Human nature, being what it is, especially in this day when even a President of the United States is using his power to bring retribution on his “enemies,” one would certainly bank on Joseph holding a really “grungy” grudge.
None of us likes to be wronged. It is often hurtful, emotionally, or even hard on the pocketbook. The problem with it is that “being wronged” can be a complicated thing. Think about it. What does it “mean” to be “wronged?” In the case of the Joseph story, his brothers are jealous of the favoritism their brother is being shown by their father, Jacob. The Bible DOES make it sound like it is actual favoritism, however, those of us old enough to remember the Smothers Brothers, know Tommy’s accusatory line he would use on Dick: “Mom always liked you BEST!” Not all “favoritism” is equal, especially when it comes to parental love. My parents raised three boys, and did their best to “equalize” their treatment of each of us. However, our needs were different, as were our interests. It was a natural thing that, when one of our interests intersected with an interest one of our parents held, that son would get a little special treatment. Still, I don’t think any of the three of us ever developed a grudge over one of the others getting “extra” preferential treatment. (I obviously can’t speak for my brothers, but I’ve never heard anything to dispute my assertion.) Dara and I made a point to assure our two children that we loved them both to the Moon and back, but that there may come a time when one of them might have a need that would require extra attention, and that as good parents, we would do our best to meet that need. We also told them that we would do our best to give them each opportunities to explore all that life had for them as they were growing up, but that, too, could mean that for a season, one might “get a bit more” than the other, either emotionally or economically. We were blessed that neither of our two children had any special needs that required medical or psychological attention beyond the “norms” of childhood, but obviously this is not the case in many other families. It is good for parents to explain why this is important and necessary to the other children in families with a special needs child. “Equal love” doesn’t always mean “equal treatment.” When a child feels “wronged” by a sibling getting some necessary special treatment, or having an unusual opportunity due to a unique interest, it is not the same as your brothers throwing you into a pit and selling you into slavery.
Some people have a more natural tendency to feel they are getting the short end of the stick, even when it isn’t true. I suppose this is a form of paranoia, or some other negative pathology born out of a past hurt or slight, but I’m not a psychologist, so I’ll just leave that there. The point is that not everyone who “feels” wronged is a victim, but this fact may NOT stop a grudge from being formed in that person, even one that may isolate them from others or cause what had been closer bonds to someone to falter. It is quite sad when this happens. As a pastor, I have seen WAY too many families and friendships disintegrate over an alleged “wrong” or what is actually just a misunderstanding. Counseling can help in these situations, but it often cannot restore what once was, in a relationship, at least fully. From the Joseph story, I would suggest to parishioners in these situations to do their best to refrain from over-reacting. Pits and slavery should be the very last resort, in all cases.
Grudges are like a cancer, honestly. When we develop and carry them, WE are the ones getting almost literally eaten alive. They form a “root of bitterness” in us that is near impossible to eliminate, even if the offense itself may be resolved, and forgiveness applied. I saw this most in marriages when an infidelity had occurred. In these cases, when this was uncovered in pastoral counseling, I would refer couples to professional marriage counselors, as dealing with it was beyond my pay grade. I offered my prayers and pastoral support, but a deep wound had been created, and it needed special treatment. Again, the offended partner would often hold a grudge way beyond the event horizon, even after all the best remedies had been applied. In each of these cases, God had a lot of extra hours to put in.
Here’s the sad truth, though: the most hurtful grudges I have witnessed were often over really simple or “stupid” stuff. People, when they feel slighted, can run to that reptile brain very fast. In our minds, we take what may have been a simple mistake or an unintentional oversight on someone’s part and turn it into a premeditated hostile act against us. Then we begin building a serious case against the “offending” party. Our grudge gets grungier and grungier, the longer it goes being unresolved, even to the point that when the offending party is made aware of the alleged slight, and attempts to make amends, that grudge makes like the Great Wall of China, and cuts off the attempt at reconciliation. If there really is a devil, the grudge is one of his most effective tools, believe me.
When I read the Joseph story, I am led to believe that Jacob “favored” Joseph for one of these “intersecting interests” reasons. Given that the “prize” Jacob gave Joseph was the colorful coat, one might believe that Joseph was a creative sort, possibly artistic in some way that the old man truly appreciated. Sometimes a parent has had an interest in life that life simply got in the way of ever pursuing. When a child comes along that shares that interest, the parent is naturally tempted to “feed” it, which might look like favoritism to a sibling. That colorful coat leads me to believe this is what happened in the Joseph incident. As you see, it gave the brothers all a powerful grudge against “the dreamer,” and their solution to assuaging that grudge involved pits and slavery. An over-reaction? I’d say, but then emotions can be very powerful things. Students have shot up their schools over feeling “wronged” in some way by their peers. The moral of THAT story is that parents, teachers, and others should do our best to help our kids through these difficult points of growth and development. Take what kids tell you seriously, don’t just “pooh-pooh” it when a kid feels threatened or otherwise rejected in a social situation. Avoiding the development of grudges and that “root of bitterness” may save more than a child’s sensitive ego.
As adults, it is also incumbent upon us to “take inventory” of our own cupboard of grudges we may have on the shelves of our psyche. I am convinced that much of what is being called “political division” in our nation is actually a result of unresolved relationship pathologies playing out, thanks to a national “leader” who is, himself, a bundle of unresolved pathologies with power. The church is no different. Enough people in the United Methodist Church felt “powerless” against what they saw as an unresponsive (or errant, as they would say) hierarchy that when, given the chance, they bolted. Was the disaffiliation that occurred in our denomination an over-reaction to a long-carried grudge? What do you think? As one who believed that inclusiveness was more important in the church of Jesus Christ than “doctrinal purity,” I would have hoped for more understanding and less pits and slavery, but here we are, picking up the pieces.
Yes, Joseph’s brothers had every right to believe they could be facing the grudge-based retribution of a brother they had truly wronged. Joseph’s response was a shocker, not only to them, but to any student of human nature. Joseph expressed more joy in reconciling with his brothers than in any short-lived jollies he might have received from throwing them into the slammer, or sending them away empty-handed, perhaps to succumb to the famine. Joseph even went one step FURTHER, which I believe to be the ultimate lesson in this great biblical tale. He gave us that great “What YOU meant for evil, God meant for GOOD” line, challenging us all to look for something much more life-changing than the proverbial “silver lining.” This “teaching moment” is there, I believe, as a sign that God desires that people of faith start looking more for what GOOD can come out of bad experiences, rather than whom to blame for them, or how to punish the perpetrators. “What can I learn here?” or “How can this make me a better person?” are better, more formative spiritual questions than “Is this pit deep enough?” Think about the “cultured hatred” that is happening in our nation right now over immigrants, most of whom are productive, god-fearing, and law-abiding people just looking for an opportunity and a better life. But a great “national grudge” has been invented and “nurtured” by some as a political scam that has resulted in government forces moving violently against people—families—who could be great national assets, in more “normal” times. Grudges are powerful and destructive things in the individual; in nations, they can bring down the very fabric of a just and fair society. ICE is digging pits and deporting poor souls into slavery.
Friends, God wants the best for us. What we have often done to the countless opportunities the Divine has given us to be better, stronger, and more loving people is WAY too often criminal. God wants to transform the “wrongs” into “goods,” not grudges. Grudges are what put the Son of God on the cross, friends. May we learn from Joseph, one who WAS truly wronged, and yet forgave, reconciled, and even edified his offenders, believing THIS is where the Spirit of God was leading. How about you? How about us? May we shed the grunge of the grudge and be washed in the flow of God’s “new” thing instituted by our Lord Jesus Christ! Amen.
[To listen to a recording of this message, use the link below.]
No comments:
Post a Comment