Holding Out for Rachel

 

Holding Out for Rachel

 

Genesis 29:15-28

Leah and Rachel, Jacob's wives 

 

29:15 Then Laban said to Jacob, "Because you are my kinsman, should you therefore serve me for nothing? Tell me, what shall your wages be?"

 

29:16 Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel.

 

29:17 Leah's eyes were weak, but Rachel was graceful and beautiful.

 

29:18 Jacob loved Rachel, so he said, "I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel."

 

29:19 Laban said, "It is better that I give her to you than that I should give her to any other man; stay with me."

 

29:20 So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her.

 

29:21Then Jacob said to Laban, "Give me my wife that I may go in to her, for my time is completed."

 

29:22 So Laban gathered together all the people of the place and made a feast.

 

29:23 But in the evening he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and he went in to her.

 

29:24 (Laban gave his maid Zilpah to his daughter Leah to be her maid.)

 

29:25 When morning came, it was Leah! And Jacob said to Laban, "What is this you have done to me? Did I not serve with you for Rachel? Why then have you deceived me?"

 

29:26 Laban said, "This is not done in our country--giving the younger before the firstborn.

 

29:27 Complete the week of this one, and we will give you the other also in return for serving me another seven years."

 

29:28 Jacob did so and completed her week; then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel as a wife.

 

I don’t know if these Bible stories are historically accurate, or not, but in the words of United Methodist storyteller Michael Williams, “It ought to be!” Imagine this circumstance: a young man falls in love with a beautiful, young woman, and wants to marry her. He bargains with her old man—Laban, himself a crafty old coot—for her, offering to work for him for seven years for it, and the rest of her. Jacob—the known conniver and cheat—thinks it’s a pretty sweet deal, giving up seven years of hard labor as payment for bypassing the older daughter, Leah, which in the affairs of the day, should have first dibs. After the labor agreement has been discharged, Laban, the crafty coot, throws a wedding celebration during which I’m sure he doses Jacob with some strong drink. Jacob waits in the marriage tent for his prize, and SURprise, the next morning, he finds out his wedding night yielded him Leah, the older sister. Laban, the crafty coot, negotiates another seven years of work out of Jacob, the conniver. Once this new agreement is set, and Jake spends his “proper” first week entertaining Leah, he is then awarded Rachel, as well. Doing your father-in-law’s bidding for over 14 years seems like a steep price to pay for a first love, but for Jacob, love puts him “in for a penny, in for a pound” on the subject. Was his love really all that special? The story wants us to believe it was. Personally? I get it.

 

My spouse, Dara, is my Rachel. While I’m sure those of you who read these sermons get tired of me going on about how special my life partner is, but here we go again. You see, I dated quite a bit in high school, wanting to get to know as many young ladies as I could, and I DON’T mean in a “biblical” way! I have always enjoyed the company of the “opposite sex,” a term we should now banish, that we understand that gender/sexual orientation is on a spectrum, of sorts. Dating a number of girls was a way to both “explore” the differing personalities and interests of my female peers, as well as hear their life stories and ambitions, all of which I found most interesting. While I never had designs on becoming a clergyperson at that time at all, I should have known that something was “up,” given my interest in listening to each young woman, and in many cases, offering comfort and affirmation, where needed. And believe me, some of those girls needed it, given my finding that a number of them were brought up in far less than the best circumstances, and in their dating experiences, had discovered that many a young man had a different kind of “exploration” in mind. My “getting to know you” dating style soon meant that I could ask out almost any young woman I wanted to, since I got the reputation for being a good listener, rather than a self-centered braggart, AND I wasn’t focused entirely on winding up in the back seat of the car. Then there was Dara.

 

As I have told the story many times, we grew up in the same church. Being that she is a few years older than I, my appreciation of her in our youth group was “from afar,” as they say. (Junior high boys don’t generally attract much interest from beautiful, bright cheerleaders of the senior high variety.) I admired her for so many reasons. She WAS beautiful, which certainly catches the eye of a young man, but so much more than that, she was obviously quite intelligent, an informed conversationalist, and a person with an active, articulate faith walk with God. That was clear when our two “halves” of the youth group would share a common scripture-based devotional time to start our meetings. Dara could comment brilliantly about almost any chosen scripture, and it was clear that she really knew what she was talking about from experience. After “observing” her for those youth years, I decided her unique “archetype” of woman was what I was willing to hold out for. Her type would be my “Rachel,” but I never expected in a million years that it would actually BE Dara. (It’s a story you’ve heard before in other sermons, namely that we didn’t get together until years later, as adults, after dating mutual friends, and so forth. Next May, we will celebrate 50 years of marriage.)

 

When I say that Dara is my Rachel, what I mean is that holding out for the highest values in a “date” or the one you “get serious” about is a very important thing. AND, being that “high value” person yourself, to give of your very best to the person you will spend your life with, is just as important. Remember that ol’ Jesus chestnut, “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you”? That applies here. If you hold out for the very best possible “candidate” who checks all the boxes for you, then you darn well better be working to check all of her/his boxes, too! Marriages fail for a variety of reasons, some of them “commissions,” others “omissions,” but in many cases, just simply NO “mission,” meaning one party lost the energy to make every effort to be the very best partner—and persons—they could be, to honor and cherish their spouse. I wish I could say that I always excel in this with my Rachel, but obviously I don’t. However, I never give up trying, and I will never “settle” for less than the perfection I believe my partner deserves.

 

In the Bible story of Jacob, Leah, and Rachel, Jacob never loses his starry-eyed love of Rachel, even when it turns out that she is barren, and won’t bear his important offspring. (After all, the old boy didn’t get the title of “Father of Israel” for nothing.”) However, the “consolation prize”—Leah—is quite fertile, and able to bear many children who would someday lead tribes of God’s emerging nation. Rachel, thanks to God’s intervention (talk about fertility treatments!) led to Rachel bearing Joseph and Benjamin to Jacob. Leah’s children would be the tribal leaders, down the road, but it would be Joseph who would save the whole shootin’ match, after his brothers sold him into slavery in Egypt. In this story, I found part of my own personal story, and you might, too, if you think about it for a moment. I could have “settled down” with any of a variety of nice women I dated over the years. Several of them could have been serious candidates to “checking all the boxes” for me, had I grown impatient, or jumped the gun out of lust for either you-know-what, or security. But having observed an incredibly “complete” woman like Dara, I had a lot of boxes I wanted checked, AND had set for myself a number of “growth goals,” so I could be a good husband, a spiritual asset, and an honest, ethical, and supportive partner to a woman who would meet “my” standards. Oh, God had something to say about this, as well. As a person of faith, I prayed for my own Rachel to come along, and with God’s help, held out for that to happen. As I said earlier, I never expected that one to actually BE Dara, but when that came to pass, I had no doubt that God was in it. I’m sure Jacob felt the same way.

 

Jacob’s “wife sandwich” of Leah and Rachel brought him great honor, many children, and fulfilling life. If we can look to this as a metaphor, for a moment, what we see is that his ultimate happiness and fulfilment came from having both a “Lover” (Rachel) and a “fighter” (Leah). One stoked the romantic, intimate fires of a deep love, while the other was productive, nurturing, and dependable. So it is with the best partners for a modern marriage, although wrapped into a single person. If you marry only for love, you might find the actual “living” to be short-changed, especially if the maintenance of the romance costs more than you have in the proverbial bank. If you “settle” for one who just checks “enough” boxes, you might find yourself bored or unfulfilled WAY sooner than you might imagine. Holding out for the highest ideal is worth the wait, and the TRUST it takes in God to make the match. I know this sounds like idealism, but we’re talking life partners and spouses, here, and right now, just over 50 percent of all marriages in this nation end in divorce, so something needs to get our attention.

 

That business of needing both the “lover” and the “fighter” in a good marriage reminds me of yet another Star Trek episode from the earliest days of the series. Some kind of transporter malfunction splits Captain Kirk into his two “personality” selves. The mild-mannered, compliant, and indecisive side of Kirk’s personality emerges from the transporter, and takes up life with the crew like nothing happened. Unbeknownst to the crew, though, a few minutes after the “milquetoast” Kirk materializes and leaves the room, the “fighter” slde of his personality arrives. Both demonstrate their characteristics to the crew: the quiet, peaceful, yet indecisive Kirk makes no waves in his role as Captain of the Enterprise, but is a lousy captain, especially in the face of a sudden crisis; the “fighter” side of Kirk is a problem, too, for he goes about grabbing women, fighting with crew members, and generally being a spastic pain for all involved. Eventually, they discover the “split” and figure out a way to re-combine them in the transporter. It seems that, just like Jacob’s mild-mannered, productive Leah and his steamy first-love Rachel are both necessary to build a passionate, purposeful nation, so it is that we all do best when we find “that one” that is both lover and fighter, and who checks as many of our desired “boxes” as possible. 

 

Please hear that what I’m advocating for is holding out for the best, and not settling always for what is right before us. It is true that sometimes God DOES put what is best for us right before our eyes, and it is also true that even the best of marriages “goes South” for a variety of reasons that may have little to do with the choice we (or they) made. What I am saying is that life and our most important relationship are both too short to not give it our best, and in the beginning at least, “hold out for Rachel.” One may also apply this metaphor to other important choices or decisions we must make, as well. The more important the issue, the better it is to pray, trust God, and “hold out” for the best wisdom in making the decision, which will most decidedly lead to the best outcome. 

 

So many times when we approach these rich Bible stories, we get the most out of them when we put ourselves into the picture, “translate” the story to the circumstances in which we find ourselves, and with the help of the Holy Spirit, manufacture a lesson out of them that advances the cause of Christ AND brings us a richer fulfilment in our personal journey. Don’t waste your time by merely accepting them as historical accounts without personally “experiencing” them! The Bible is one of the richest guides one will ever find, if interpreted in this way. If you limit yourself to defending such great stories as just “historical fact” of what brought about the nation of Israel, you are in danger of settling for less than God’s best, regarding the text. Hold out for your Rachel, Beloved. Amen!